Friday, July 22, 2011
Uncle Norm's Heiress
Well, it looks like I'll be enjoying an early retirement. I received the following letter via email:
Dear Knudsen, [Knudsen? Are we in P.E. class? I’m the girl who screams when a stray badminton birdie flies my way – nobody calls me “Knudsen”]
I wait anxiously for your response. [I’ll bet.]
You will probably be surprised to discover that I did not immediately quit my job upon reading this letter. I did, however, promptly respond:
Dear Knudsen, [Knudsen? Are we in P.E. class? I’m the girl who screams when a stray badminton birdie flies my way – nobody calls me “Knudsen”]
I will like to seek your help in a business proposal, which although is sensitive by nature and not what I should discuss with someone I don’t know and have not met using a medium such as this but I do not have a choice. [Come again?]
I am Mr. Raila Rotondo, personal account manager to late Dr. Norman Knudsen who died of a cardiac arrest [excellent choice , Mr. Rotondo] a few years ago leaving behind a large sum of money with a commercial bank in the Island of Seychelles which is a tax free zone, a place where plenty of rich people [seriously?] tend to hide away funds not ready to be used or invested. I will not mention the amount of money [for three more words, at least] which runs into several millions in United States Dollars and name of bank presently until we have agreed to deal. I trust you will understand the need for such precautions. [Yeah, I’m right there with you.]
So far, valuable efforts [what is a valuable effort?] has been made to get to his people but to no avail, as he had no known relatives more because he left his next of kin column in his account opening forms blank and he has no known relative. Due to this development my colleagues and I have decided to look for a reputable person [so why are you looking to me?] to act as the next of kin which is where you come in otherwise the Seychelles national laws would have it, any dormant account for five years will be declared unclaimed and then paid into the government purse.
We shall make arrangements with a qualify and a reliable attorney to represent you locally to avoid any inconvenience of you coming down to claim the funds. [That’s right, if those millions want a home so bad, they can come find ME.]
All legal documents to aid your claim for this fund and to prove your relationship with the deceased will be provided by us. Your help will be appreciated with 30% of the total sum which I would disclose in my next email.
Please accept my apologies, keep my confidence and disregard this letter if you do not
appreciate this proposition I have offered you. [So, I think what you’re trying to tell me here, Mr. Rotondo, is not to forward this to the FBI if, for some ludicrous reason, I think you might be trying to pull one over on me.]
I wait anxiously for your response. [I’ll bet.]
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Raila Rotondo
You will probably be surprised to discover that I did not immediately quit my job upon reading this letter. I did, however, promptly respond:
Hello Mr. Rotondo,
OMG thank you so much for contacting me! I actually remember Norm - he is my great uncle! This honestly couldn't have come at a better time because my electricity and phone just got shut off so I am very eager to get the ball rolling on this. What do I need to do?
Thanks so much!!!
M. Knudsen
It's been three days and I haven't heard back from Mr. Rotondo. I'm sure he sends these sorts of letters out to the next of kin of "plenty of rich people" all the time and is just trying to sort through his overwhelming responses.
This will likely be my last blog post, as I really don't see myself having time to write anymore now that I'll be doing millionaire-type stuff, like pretending to appreciate obscure paintings and drinking bottles of wine from 1724.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I think we may be related, I received a similar email a few days ago. (Just kidding!) I'm stopping by from the Blogaholic Network.
I look forward to reading more from you!
Best,
Emily from Nap Time Is My Time
Love your blog! I'll be over more often.
BookBelle
@Emily - love your blog's layout; I voted for you (I thought it was an ad for Boston Market restaurants at first, though) - good luck with it!
@BookBelle - thanks for reading! I'm excited to read some of the funny chick-lit books you recommended on your blog ;)
Oh wow we must be related cause I got a similar email! LOL I am a new follower hope you can stop by my blog.
Post a Comment